Scorpio Rising
The rising sign is a point on the birth chart also referred to as the ASCENDENT, and this point is always located in our first house of self in our astrological birth chart. This first house, this sign, this point- the ASC- is arguably your most identifying sign because it is 100% the most personal house in our chart. It is the ONLY house that is dedicated to nothing other than who you are and the energy you entered this life with. This energy is always felt with more potency if you have planets or other notable points within it bc of how DEEPLY personal this house is. Of course we all identify and deeply love our Sun sign, that is our core energy… our life force. But if you think of a seed planted in the soil, with the proper care, it will grow roots and rise up and bloom. It will grow up towards the sun. So if you think of your soul as that seed, the seed is your soul planted in your first house, the energy of that sign and who you are in this life. You take that energy and grow towards the Sun and the sign it’s in.
My first house is ruled by Scorpio. The energy of Scorpio is that of death and rebirth. This intense and powerful sign is ruled by Mars, the aggressive warrior, in traditional astro, and Pluto, the planet of deep, subterranean metamorphosis, in modern astro. She is a Transformation Queen. I’ve noticed in my astrology journey, and a lot in pop-culture astrology, we like to glamorize this sign. It definitely has a sexy, intense, bad ass energy to it. But I have to say, having this vixen rule my first house is hard sometimes. I mean, yes, I love a glow-up, makeover montage. I live for a started from the bottom now we’re here vibe… but like, sometimes we just need a break, ok? And my first house is kinda a buzz kill. While I LIVE for a sexy scorpion queen moment, I also have Saturn in this house… and my south node… what does this even mean?! It means boundary daddy Saturn is CONSTANTLY keeping me in check. He’s like, “Oh ok, sis, you wanna have that extra glass of wine?! You get a headache in the morning. Oh ok, mama, you’re gonna skip your workout? Here’s an extra 5 lb. But wait girlfriend… you worked out but went to hard?! Ha! Adrenal fatigue, jawline acne, and yet ANOTHER 5 lbs! PCOS… AUDHD… SCOLIOSIS…EDS…shall I continue?!” He’s like Jim Carey's Grinch handing out jury duty slips if I mess up even a little bit. And that South Node? What’s that, you ask? The South Node is Karma, it’s not only gifts you entered this life with… but also all the bull shit you are being asked to release in this life. Having this in my first house of self has just been the most twisted mind fuck.
Have you started playing your tiny violin yet? I think I can hear it. Do I want a pity party? No. I really don’t. Do I want to feel seen? Yes. Do I want to be felt? Always.
About three years ago, I experienced my nodal return. This is when the nodes of fate (the south node and the north node) return to the parts of your chart they were are when you were born. So right now, South Node Virgo and North Node Pisces people are going to be experiencing this shift. Having the Nodes of Fate in these extremely influencial parts of my chart (specifically that south node’s return to my first house in Scorpio) rocked my world. I experienced major physical changes. Some were great, some were painful. During this transit I lost about 20 lbs without trying AT ALL. No restrictions… I felt amazing. I felt horny. I looked great. It was so incredibly lush… I look back at that time with so much wonder. It is honest to Goddess the reason I got so in to astrology. Life was lifing and I was inspired and creative and GLOWING TF UP! It was fucking fabulous. And then permimenapause smuggly giggled, handed someone her beer and said “Stay humble, bitch.”
My hormones shifted… AGAIN. My body changed… AGAIN. Hormonal weight gain. My hair started falling out. My creativity felt lacking. My mental health plummeted. My energy shifted in a way that felt like I was being robbed. I felt beige and bland. And to be completely honest, I’m just now clawing my way out of this death. Because as a Scorpio Rising, that’s what we do. We die 1000 deaths, to be rebirthed 1001 times. I do FEEL the sun starting to break through my cocoon, but I’m certainly not a butterfly yet. I made these images of myself feeling this turbulence- this disdain for my morphing body. Full transparency- I don’t love these images. I don’t like the way I look in them, because I know how sad I feel in them. But they are my art. They came from a place inside of me that needs to be seen and felt. They are honest, and very much depict this very strange cycle that I have lived day in and day out since day one.